so I was like…you know

I am having a difficult time at work. Every inch of my body wants to quit, but I’m too scared. I don’t know what to do.

Sue

So my father came to know the Lord through the Jesus Movement in the 60’s, and I always admired him because he was involved in such a pivotal aspect of the United State’s history. However, I have become disillusioned lately. Not by the passion of the church/people. Not by their commitment. But rather this lone “Revolutionary” attitude. This notion that the generations proceeding their’s has no clue as to what the church should really look or act like.

 Our concerns about the environment? They laugh at us and tell us we’re naive. Our concerns for the war in Iraq? “Well, it’s no Vietnam!”

I recently read that the post modern church is nothing more than another department of social services. (As if social services are something negative.) Where the followers are more concerned for social justice and less concerned with God’s purpose. When I looked to see where the author was siting his sources, I discovered that he so objectively pulled his plethora of resources from a single book (I won’t mention or advertise it!).

The church has been changing for a very long time. The look. The feel. As long as we hold onto Christ’s Word and love as Christ loves us, then we are blessed.

Well, I better get back to work now. I just needed to get that off my chest.

Tonight, I drove 2 hours looking for Heath. I thought he told me to pick him up at the automotive repair shop, when infact, he had told me to get him at work. I drove all over looking for him with the kids in the car when it finally dawned on me that I probably didn’t understand him correctly and that he was more than likely at work. Guess where he was? At work of course!

I don’t know why or how I could have been so stupid. I’ve been cramping really bad lately, and I took a muscle relaxer a half an hour before I was supposed to pick him up. That probably didn’t help, but the fact remains that I screwed up big time. I wasted 2 hours and now have a husband who doesn’t understand how I could be so dumb.

I hate myself right now for being so “disconnected from reality”.

I make you a salad

Pour you a glass of lemonade

Still you are mad

Who? Don’t know

The phone is silent

Feel your hope fade

Still you are sad

Why? Don’t know

If I think ‘you are mad at me’, then I am egocentric

If I think ‘you are mad at others’, then I am clueless

…so I close up shop, pack things up and move once again because all good things must come to an end.

So I had emergency surgery last Friday. I won’t go into detail but it was unexpected to say the least. I went into the hospital on Thursday and had surgery on Friday morning, but somewhere in the middle there, I had a massive anxiety attack. Seriously…a major melt down.

Now I am just at home, bound to the bed. Daytime TV is HORRIBLE!  I go back to work next Tuesday. When I’m not working I feel useless to say the least. It isn’t like I’m a workaholic, I just don’t like to be at home 24, 7. Blah!

Did anyone watch Lost last night?  Any theories???

A Testiment to Her Memory

Memories, they seem so fleeting,
Yet when someone dies
Its memories that keep on streaming.
You yearn to see her just one last time,
Its then you realize
That precious memories are a crime.
“Take compfort in the cross,” you hear.
In this there’s no disguise.
In times like these, keep the Savior near.
The pain of memories seem endless,
As well as tear-filled eyes,
Buy you, my friend, are never friendless.
For in the end it is her memory
That never, ever dies.
Her ever-lasting tesimony,
The amazing life poured out from above,
A truth which testifies
Her selfless and never-ending love.

My daughter is in the fourth grade. She is VERY beautiful and I am not just saying that. People stop Heath and me - total strangers - at grocery stores and the park to let us know how beautiful Miss Summer is. We try not to stress her outside beauty too much as we do not want her to depend on her looks to get by in the world. Sure being attractive helps, but beauty is a fleeting thing. And we all know your brain and health can sustain you much longer than youth and beauty.

Well, boys are beginning to notice her. I’ve come across the occasional love note crumpled up in her backpack and have heard her talking with friends about how Samuel splashed water on Summer and no one else! (That was big stuff when we were kids!) It is all sweet and innocent, right?

Then comes Tony. I really don’t know much other than what Summer has told me. She’s described to me how he hawks lugies in his mouth, swallows them and then says, “Umm good.”  According to her, he brags how his parents don’t care if he is clean or dirty and that is why he stinks so badly. Any parent could see that this boy comes from a very broken home. It is very sad. Tony recently decided to make known his admiration for my daughter in a note. He wrote, “You look like Avril Lavine. I want to do it with you.”

Do WHAT with my daughter? Does he know what IT means? The rational part of me tells me that he has picked up on this phrase from someone older than him and that he has NO CONCEPT of what “IT” means, but the protective side, the side that wants my daughter to stay little for just a little, tiny bit longer, wants to give this kid and his parents a piece of my mind. However, I called the school and spoke to the office. The rational part of me won because Summer is growing up, and I really can’t hit that kid as much as I’d like to.

I suspect that Summer is also beginning to realize that she is about to change drastically. These next ten years will be trying for her, Heath and me. But I know Summer is going to steer through this pretty clearly. She has an AMAZING relationship with her dad, she is a musician at heart and she is as smart as hell. (GATE kid!) The fact that she can come to me and talk about this says a lot about who she is and our relationship. Sure we get into our mother/daughter tiffs every few weeks, but she has the security of a mama bear and she knows it.

It has been months since I updated this blog. Maybe I feel inspired because Heath just got back from IMN. He called me from a Buddhist  temple on Sunday. That’s pretty cool.

Well, I have a new job. I went from Office Manager (old job) to Account Manager (new job) for FOUR different clients! I love my new job. My schedule rocks! 7:00 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.. I have my own office even! The one downside is that I have to travel more, but for the most part it is a great job!

Since the change, I don’t feel so paranoid anymore. I no longer feel that “my ideas” are being stolen, but rather appreciated. I’m owning my work and myself.

As for the blogging thing, I really don’t feel the need to share every part of my life with everyone and their mother. I cherish my privacy, but I’ll try to update this thing with some parts of my life from time to time.

Poor Heath. The airport may have lost his luggage….Have fun in the same outfit today, tomorrow, and so on and so on…….I actually do feel bad, sweety…I’m sure you’ll get your luggage soon…………LOVE AND MISS YOU!!

Time: Any time between 8:00 AM and 3:00 PM!

Where: The family room in the Dalrymple’s home!

Be sure to wear your unwashed pajamas, bring a case of Pepsi, Ben & Jerry’s (NO CHERRY GARCIA ALLOWED!) BBQ Chips and sad movies like the “English Patient”. Also you may share any overly dramatic poems you may have written as a teenager or rehersed scenes from Chekov’s “The Cherry Orchard”! It is going to be PATHETIC!