Ministry and Men - Sometimes Enough is Enough
I grew up with a father who worked in ministry. He was not home often, and, in fact, would be gone for months at a time. I’d express to him how much I missed him, but he would remind me that he was doing the “Lord’s” work. Not at home with his family. Not supporting his family. Leaving my mother to raise two daughters alone and a son who suffered greatly from the absence of our father.
When is it too much? Is it okay for men (or women for that matter) to become so immersed in ministry that they neglect their families all in the name of the Lord?
I have a problem with this. I tend to believe that many people go into ministry with good intentions, but often it becomes a sort of escape from the real world, and I’m almost sure that God doesn’t bless this.
Do children need to sacrifice their parents for the “greater good”?
June 22nd, 2006 at 8:33 pm
I absolutely don’t think that that is okay….and it’s something i remind myself over and over as I head into ministry. My family will always be my primary ministry. It’s the foundation everything else will be built on.
Thanks for bringing this issue up. I’m sorry to hear that it was such a cause of conflict for you.
June 22nd, 2006 at 9:31 pm
I agree with you both.
I have been apart of it and seen it too often. Doing the Lord’s work, and ministry is FUN, but as well, when people in leadership finally see that someone is willing to give their LIFE for this stuff, they load you down with so much work because there are not enough committed people to do it all.
I am just as guilty. When I meet someone with a real passion and fire that wants to be involved, I basically overload them with work because there is so much harvesting and so few workers…
True ministry does start at home, and I’m sure your story would be echoed by the children of many pastors across our country
June 22nd, 2006 at 10:20 pm
Lon - I always appreciate your responses. They’re always very thoughtful and sincere. Thank you. It is nice to hear that your primary ministry is and will always be your family.
Bryan - Unfortunately, I think we all tend to do that. I can remember being on the Children’s Church committee at a church we once attended, and I was always on the hunt for people to load them down with this and that. We must recognize that, while we want to share Christ’s love with the whole world, ministry should always start in the home.
Our chilldren are a reflection of who we are as parents. I remind myself of this every day.
Sue
June 22nd, 2006 at 10:45 pm
[…] “What’s love?” Dean asks. “Where is the love?” one army mom wonders. “Who has time to love anymore?” Sue sighs. “Will I risk it all and show my deepest love?” ponders Danielo. […]
June 23rd, 2006 at 11:10 am
I think its something everyone in ministry has to watch out for. You see, you really begin to love the people God places in your ministry. When they are hurting or have some need it right then and sometimes you feel like if you don’t respond now… well then you failed and somehow lost on opportunity. Plus, you’re family will understand… right… and they’re always gonna be there… right?
I have discovered its very easy for me to dive head first into ministry and become so focused that its all I see. I once neglected my family for ministry, but God was able to use Leukimia as a wake up call. Since then… family is first. I guard my family time even more than other appointments.
I mean, if I make an appointment to counsel someone… I need to be there. But likewise, if I tell my son we’ll play some ball Saturday… I better be there. That “appointment” is just as important.
June 23rd, 2006 at 11:47 am
Brian - I think men on the whole need to have something that they are passionate about. This is the way God made men. To borrow from a somewhat popular book title, men are purpose driven. I admire that. I truly do. However, like you said men (and women) need to keep their appointments with their children just as much they do with their clients, club kids, chuch members, and so on and so on. I am sorry to hear that it took Leukimia to wake you up, but isn’t that just the way Christ works? He takes a tragedy and builds nothing but love out of it!
About three years ago Heath fell 15 feet and literally snapped his lower leg. Seeing a strong, handsome, healthy man curled up on the ground in utter terror and pain was heart wrenching to say the least. After surgery, he was bed ridden for 6 weeks. Now, those of you who know my husband must realize that Heath NEVER rests. He used to call himself a robot - nothing could stop him! Well, this stopped him, and it brought the whole family closer together. Heath had to let go of work (which is VERY hard for him to do) He had to let go of leading worship. It killed him, but it also opened his eyes. The kids and I would play board games on the bed with him. We’d watch Wheel of Fortune together. We’d just all cuddle.
I wish I could have just a smidge of the passion that men have, but I also wish their passion wouldn’t hurt their loved ones so much.
Sue
June 23rd, 2006 at 2:52 pm
Two of my very favorite people are the pastor of the church I grew up in, and his wife. They are simply wonderful to be around, so loving towards everyone, full of grace. That church is a very, very big church. They are both very, very busy.
But not on Mondays.
On Mondays, they spend time only with each other. They turn off the cell phones and the pagers. Unless the church building literally burns to the ground or a staff member winds up on life-support, they are not to be bothered. They also make sure to be their for their two daughters’ activities. I am convinced within myself that those Mondays have saved their marriage. If not that, then they have certainly enriched it.
Have you ever read the book The Day I Died, but Steve Sjogren? This has some interesting reflections on vocational ministry and the type-A, work-a-holic personality, and the effects they have on family.
-Mel
June 25th, 2006 at 7:06 pm
My father (a pastor) and I had to work through issues of abandonment and neglect that I felt growing up. In my 20’s we went through some healing. And then I went and married a guy in ministry. So, I had to work through it again in my mid 20’s. My husband makes sure we spend good quality time together on a regular basis. We do go through seasons of business, but being on mission together really does help, along with really good chocolate chip icecream.