Sell Your Purse - Give To The Poor
So as some of you know, my mother-in-law just bought me a new purse. I really love it. I never buy myself nice things, and for special occasions Heath’s mom usually splurges on my behalf. My birthday is in August and due to an EXCELLENT sale at Macy’s she went ahead and bought my present a little earlier than usual: a Kate Spade purse. I really, really, really like it! My friends from my old church never gave me a hard time about the great gifts I received from her. In fact, they were always very happy for me and shared in my pure delight! I was very wrong in assuming that some new acquaintances and others would react the same. Boy was I wrong! Here are a few comments I’ve received:
“If I were you, I’d sell that and give your money to the poor.”
“You should sell that on ebay and give the money to a worthwhile cause.”
What I find ironic is that one of these people has all sorts of high tech gadgets swimming in her purse and the other person I had just given a significant amount of money to! Here’s the question: Should I sell this gift? Should I no longer accept her gifts because the money she uses to spend on them could go towards something more worthwhile? Should I hide my purse in the closet out of shame?
I miss my old church today. I miss my friends.
July 5th, 2006 at 12:03 pm
While I do believe truth requires some difficult things of us, this question is a difficult one for me. My mother reminded me yesterday that I have a birthday at the end of the month and need to tell her what they can give to me. And for a moment I thought, “Do I really need anything?” “Is there a way to give them the feeling of showing love to me personally while helping others? (Heifer, etc.)” “Is this one of those times when we except and use the gifts of others for ourselves because a) it is an encouragement to us and b) it is an encouragement to them?”
I’m not sure I have the answers yet.
July 5th, 2006 at 12:41 pm
hmm…I see where you are coming from here. However, my mother-in-law gives quite a bit of money to different ministries, organizations and whatnot, so I don’t at all question where her money should go. She is a giving person and gives both monetarily and spiritually.
July 5th, 2006 at 1:43 pm
I guess your response leaves me a bit confused and wondering if we’re speaking about the same thing. I share what I do as a fellow, “what-if-er,” figuring that two or four or ten heads are better than one - that this post could be a place to dialog about possibilities and view points.
My folks give regularly of their time and money so that’s a non-issue for me. The question I ask myself (and I’m not try to passively make you feel guilty) is, “If there are $20 that will be spent in July on something that will express care for me, is it possible that I could ‘pay that forward’ to someone for whom $20 who might otherwise starve?” And then I ask myself, “What factors help me decide if it’s ok to buy or even accept gifts that temporarily salve my frustrations knowing the above?”
Again, that’s what I’m asking myself and could be part of others are talking of. This is not a “you should do” but a “what could we do” moment for me.
July 5th, 2006 at 2:20 pm
Sue…you are a worth while cause! I do take gifts from my mother-in-law. She thinks of things to get me no other person would. It is her way of showing love. I don’t so much show love that way…so sometimes it gets frustrating to get a new purse or a spa day….but when I realized when she gave me those things it was like her writing out an amazing letter saying how much she appreciated all I did for the family I could gladly accept her gifts.
July 5th, 2006 at 2:30 pm
I say keep the purse. You know… God really does bless his people and who does he use to do that??? Well his people of course.
The thing to ask is… Can you allow yourself to be blessed? Here’s the deal for me, I find it incredibly hard to receive. Its so much easier for me to give. So when things are given to me, I choose to look at it from a blessings perspective. What if I had a friend. A really giving sort, one who would never by that type of item. So to bless them, I buy it for them. I would want them to be able to receive it freely.
One place I would watch out for… is the whole… turning it back on them thing.
July 5th, 2006 at 3:24 pm
Parke - Yeah, I think I am expressing a frustration that stems from the fact that I do put myself last in many ways and have learned to allow myself to be loved or receive gifts. Years of therapy, in fact. I agree with you, though. We always need to ask ourselves what more could I do. I think what shocked me here is that I had just given one of those people a good amount of money. I was kind of hurt that she would say that after I had helped her out.
Deana - Thanks! My mother-in-law is just a giving person, and, yes, she too expresses her appreciation/love through her gifts. In the past I have tried to return things that I thought were too outrageous, but succeeded in hurting her feelings.
Brian - Good question! When Heath and I were first married I would sabotage the blessings God gave to us. I was raised to believe that “true” followers of Christ lived in cardboard boxes. I’ve had to learn to accept gifts, even love from those around me. I suppose that is the crux of this whole dilemma for me. In many ways I still feel unworthy to receive almost anything. Thanks for the insight!
July 5th, 2006 at 11:40 pm
Hey Sue,
Gifts of love are fun, fun, fun!! You recieved that cause Heath’s Momma loves you to death and wanted to give you something fun and extravagant, not unlike God I might add! Enjoy Baby. Don’t let it be a guilt thing. (plus it looks like you)
July 6th, 2006 at 12:50 pm
Hey Sue. I don’t think God cares about your purse. I also think you should make a list of things that you think these other people could sell on ebay and give it to them! It is nobodys business to tell you what you “should” do with things that are given to you. I think your relationship with Geri is pretty important too and what would selling this purse do for that? Are matching shoes available?
July 6th, 2006 at 1:36 pm
BRANDON! I knew that was you! Who else would have the audacity to go by his initials and expect everyone to know whom he is? Well of course the one and ONLY Brandon K. that’s who! I love you Brandon! You’ve always been able to see clearly through the crap the rest of us shovel in your way! You da best! I heard Heath told you about his “examination” yesterday. HAHAHAHA
No shoes but there is a matching hat! Can you imagine if I showed up at those people’s houses with the matching hat? HAHAHAHA Okay, now I’m just being wicked. I should be more careful. (tee hee tee hee)
July 6th, 2006 at 2:57 pm
Hey Sue, It always amazes me how we love to be spiritual even if we get it wrong…and are hurtful. I love your purse (not that I want one), and I’m glad you like it and glad your mom-in-law loves you enough to know what you like. Just chalk up the comments as a lack of sensitivity to being human…btw, I didn’t say that did I???
July 6th, 2006 at 4:11 pm
The problem with the whole sell it and give away thing is that it often gets very legalistic. It’s also very easy to tell others what to do with their stuff while overlooking our own pile of crap that we horde.
I’d say if it was given to you as a gift in love, from someone who loves you, graciously accept - like the One who was humble enough to allow a woman to pour an expensive jar of ointment on His feet.
Or… give it to your friend who told you to sell it
July 6th, 2006 at 4:29 pm
Nah dude, Eric, is wasn’t you man. You’re cool like that. HAHA
July 12th, 2006 at 8:22 pm
I think two swift facial slaps are in order.
Surprised I’m the first to suggest it really.
July 13th, 2006 at 1:22 pm
Oh Mirslov - You and Heath must be secret twins because you sound so much like him! You slay me, but I think you’d die if you found out who one of the people were! You would indeed!
August 8th, 2006 at 4:51 pm